3 months ago I joined the world of the unemployed. It’s been an absolute rollercoaster of emotions since then. At first I was hurt, and I am honestly still am. I was angry. I was relieved. I was scared of what would come. Overwhelmingly though, I was excited.
A month or so before the loss of all my equity and the near-bankruptcy-fire-sale that forced countless people into the unknown of unemployment, I had booked the trip of a lifetime. Perfect timing. At first, I considered canceling. We shouldn’t spend on extravagant things without the guaranteed income I was used to seeing, right? We are all taught that but I went against my better judgment.
Visiting Tokyo, Japan has been on my bucket list since I was a teenager. Yet for years, I have always found myself using my time away from work to spend time with family and friends, putting off my personal desires for those that I love (and the always safer non-confrontational choice).
Being unemployed gave me time to look at myself.
I love myself. I especially love myself for being selfless. I know countless people on teams I have worked with also love me for that exact reason. I’m more than a manager. I am more than a boss. I am more than a leader. I am more than all of those things because I care about the person you are and the person you want to become from the moment I meet you. It’s just my nature. I wouldn’t change that about myself for anything.
And still, there’s a sense of guilt that comes with choosing to do something for myself. I am more conscious of my choices than I ever have been.
That said, losing my job still has me on a rollercoaster. I’m not sure if it will ever end, even when I find my next team. In fact, I think that being laid off has forced me to find comfort in being on the rollercoaster. Like all things that intimidate us from making progress, facing the unknown is just a matter of breaking down the obstacles in front of us into steps that we feel confident in taking.
I’m moving forward one day at a time, and I feel more inspired and motivated than I have in years.
And the Tokyo trip was even more life-changing than being laid off has been, but you’ll have to follow me to hear those stories 😉
