18 Months Later…

August 16, 2021
Posted in Life
August 16, 2021 Nick Engvall

18 Months Later…

As the pandemic shut down Los Angeles in March of 2020, like most people, I was hit with all sorts of roadblocks to the path I was on. Like most of my years on this earth, I had taken on way more challenges than I could handle to start the year. That’s kind of the point for me. Even without the pandemic, there were resolutions that I knew I couldn’t stick to. But for me, having a long to-do list keeps the thoughts and ideas flowing. Nevertheless, 2020 was more than I think any of us could have handled.

As a freelancer and contractor, I’m in the most disposable position there is for businesses when it comes to cutting costs. I get it. It’s a part of the risk of working on a project basis or working on freelance projects. As someone who works best as the person bringing creatives and brands together, I often subcontract work to experts in their respective fields. The good thing about that is most of the “hiring” I do is based on projects. This allows me the flexibility to work with more companies and ensure the people I work with are passionate about the projects they say “yes” to. Unfortunately, within days of the pandemic shut down the world, 95% of my contracts were rescinded. It has been by far the most challenging time of my life. 

Now, 18 months later (almost to the day), after carrying the mental weight of the pandemic and adding the physical weight that comes with depression, I’m forcing myself to hit the reset button. Actually, it’s more like a hard reboot over the past few weeks. I’ve disconnected. I’ve plugged back in. I’ve spent many days breathing in the ocean air, a few days admiring the incredible cars at Monterey Car Week, and even made it back to Oracle Park for a San Francisco Giants game for the first time in over two years. I’m feeling better than I have in 18 months mentally but I’m physically in the worst shape of my life. There is still much to worry about and this is a long road ahead of me to get back to where I was, improve, and become who I want to be. Today, I’m committing to being better every day from here on out, and if you’re reading this, you probably already know that means a lot of writing, sharing my thoughts, closing the tabs I continually leave open in my mental browser, and pushing myself to just be me.

Nick Engvall

Student of Life.

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