No, I don’t suck at giving up. That’s actually something I’d consider myself above average at. I’ll hold on to hope and possibility well past all reasonableness.
I suck at hiding my emotions. I’d never be a good poker player because I wear my heart on my sleeve. The closer someone is to me or the better they know me, the easier it is for them to see every last thought written on my face.
It’s not often that I mind that someone can tell that something is on my mind, or whether something makes me happy or sad. It pretty much never bothers me actually, it’s just how I am. However, the last thing I want to do is make someone feel as if their efforts aren’t good enough. This is the only time I wish I could hide the emotions written boldly across my face because I think the interpretation of my emotions is actually exponentially multiplied when translated by someone other than myself. Weird, I know, but it’s similar to my expectations of myself compared to my expectations in others.
I expect perfection from myself, nothing less. I realize that’s unattainable but as long as I’m alive, it will be what I strive for. However, when it comes to my expectations from those around me, their best efforts are always good enough, I don’t expect perfection. I do believe in their ability to accomplish absolutely anything they desire in this world but I don’t expect them to be as hard on themselves as I would be on myself.
Two people I cherish having in my life, told me today that I’m too hard on myself and now I’m laying in bed trying to wrap my head around it because my heart surely can’t understand it.
And the thing that came to mind when they each said it to me was this bumper sticker. I guess I need to figure out for myself what the difference between giving up and giving in to reality is in my life.
Perhaps it’s time for me to start wearing my Guy Fawkes mask. 🙂