If I don’t make your life better, I don’t deserve to be a part of it.
I can’t possibly count the number of times I have been in a situation that people around me have asked, ‘Why are you still doing that?’ This is something that I am completely aware of, and it’s something that I’ve done all my life. There are the psychological reasons of course, my learned behaviors from my parents and family, and there is the moon and the stars that seem to also cast horoscopic spells, both good and bad. The funny thing is, for me, even if I were to give my last breath, to a person, a job, a project, or a sport, I would still be up in heaven thinking about how I could have put forth more effort to make things for those around me better in any of those situations (and yes, to the incredible women that I have dated in this life, I am completely aware you might disagree with the amount of effort I put in, but I hope you smile reading this :).
Perfection may be unattainable but I’d rather run myself into the ground trying to achieve it, than to settle, or let those people in my life settle. I found myself thinking the other day, ‘If I don’t make your life better, I don’t deserve to be a part of it.’
That is truly how I feel about every person I interact with on a daily basis, whether just a smile to a stranger on the street, a person that reads a ridiculous remark I make on the internet, or the people close enough to know my most intimate secrets. That is why I will stick with something beyond all reasonable standards of others. I want to be known for doing my best at all times, and my best in to me at least, is never attainable, because it is perfection. I strive to be so perfect that I run myself into the ground, to complete exhaustion, trying to put forth an effort that may or may not be recognized by others, but it’s at that point of exhaustion that I reluctantly feel I’ve given my all.
I’ve always loved to write, poetry, stories, copy, etc. Somehow it’s soothing to me, as is the case now, typing this at about 3:30 in the morning on a Saturday night. I write to calm my soul but also in hopes that it inspires others, even on the smallest level. There are a few instances that I know I’ve inspired and helped other people go after their dreams. And although I’d love to change the world, hopefully, I can be remembered by at least the people who I’ve met, whether in real life or on the internet, as a man who made the world a better place while he was here.
There are times when I question my efforts to the point of exhaustion, causing sleepless nights, wondering if I could have made a situation better. After coming back from a vacation of sorts, visiting friends and family across the country, I found myself stuck in a “what the hell am I doing with my life?” mental mess. Yesterday, I came across an email that was sent to me by a stranger not long ago, and it could not have resurfaced at a more perfect moment to calm me. It was a simple reminder of why I do what I do, why I struggle to find uniqueness in a world of homogenization, why I will continue to do everything possible to make the world a better place one smile at a time.
So, for the inspiration that I may be to those few people that take the time to read me, please know that I am forever grateful that you are here to inspire me and your words mean more to me than I could ever explain.